there was a trapeze. enough said
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
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There's always time for handjobs
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
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I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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