Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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