why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Dick very happy bro
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
