just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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