sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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