Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
