I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
