I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
