Do you still have your period?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
