if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
