i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
she looked like the before picture.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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