barbara walters just said penis...
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Randomize
