pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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