I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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