return my video game
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
