I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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