The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
