Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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