Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
