put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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