I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
