and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
