Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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