Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
