we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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