her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
