Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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