I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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