Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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