we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
