I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
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this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
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Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
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