she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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