just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize
