jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
