my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
