So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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