I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
