Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
