i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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