hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
