If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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