Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
