Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
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