I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
