Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
