Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
So. Much. Porn.
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