Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
