I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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