Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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