Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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