There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
