my vag is so smooth its legendary
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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