Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
