woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
