I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
