I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
this boner is exhausting
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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