Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize