I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
