it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
