He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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