I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
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Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
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There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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