At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Randomize
