i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
