I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Drunk is a universal language darling
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