I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
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