I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Randomize
