OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
