It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
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