No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
