Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
