pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
what is it with giant penises always finding me
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
