Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
