my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
