I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
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