i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
