Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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