He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
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Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
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i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
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