I'm so fucking centered right now
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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