Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
